The last 365 days

My best friend died last year, today. I have lost friends to kayaking before; Jeff West, Stephen Forster, just to name a couple. But, I have never lost my best friend. 

Enjoying the Idaho sun. 

It took me a long time to get close to Shannon. For a year, she told her parents she would make me be her friend, she would ask Snowy to tell me to hang out with her. 

Little bug. 

I'm not very good at having female friends. I'm competitive, protective, and I like having all of the attention. I finally gave in. Shannon started coming over to our house, her infectious attitude always made people laugh and smile, we (and Caroline Moon) started going to yoga together a couple of times a week. I remember one class we made Jay Mahan come with us, we giggled the whole session. Always pushing each other over, making farting noises, doing arm balances after class. We were like two peas in a pod. 

On the Bechtals front porch, best swing ever!

 In the spring of 2013, I was asked to go on a Backcountry Babes trip on the Middle Fork of the Salmon with Canyons Rafting out of McCall Idaho. I of course said yes. I was then told I could bring a friend with me. It took me a little, but I decided to ask Shannon to come with. It was the best decision I have ever made, every day since then I smile when I think about how excited she was to go on the trip. I was happy to be able to give her the chance to go. 

The takeout to the Middle Fork of the Salmon.

Shannon taught me a lot in those 2 short weeks in Idaho; an infectious smile gets you anything, find happiness even in the smallest of things, and always look to the future without fear. 

When we got back from Idaho, it was back to the daily grind. I was training really hard for the Freestyle Worlds at the NOC being held in September, I was working, and so was Shannon. We got busy for the next few weeks. She really wanted me to come to the Great Falls Race with her. I was in the midst of having some massive breakthroughs in freestyle so I decided to stay back, I regret that decision every day.

The girl with no belly button lives. 

 I think about if things would have been different if I was at Great Falls, one year ago today. 

Where we belonged, on the river together. 

 She stopped by the house when we were eating dinner one night, my friend Josh Chambers was there. Shannon came bursting into the house, started laughing and smiling and saying that she was off to the Potomac for the weekend. She was so excited. I wish I would have known that was the last time I was going to see her.  

What I woke up to every morning for 2 amazing weeks. 

 On July 11 2013, I woke up at the NOC like another normal day. I paddled in the morning then mid day I was at Slow Joes with Claire O'hara doing a blog post. I got a pretty frantic message from Anna Levesque telling me to call Patricia Beaks and it was about Shannon. My life changed forever in the next few moments. I was told that Shannon was missing and presumed dead. Patricia was asking for Shannons' parents contacts. I only knew they lived in Andrews, NC, right up the road. 

Ah, jet setting. 

I had so many thoughts go through my head. I was alone in a place where I grew up and knew everyone. I just wanted to disappear from the world and pretend it didn't happen. I of course called Snowy, who had already heard the news and he told me to stay at the NOC because I should not be driving. I wanted to go home so bad. I wanted to be held by the man I love and grieve the loss of our friend together. I knew it was a bad idea to drive though. 

Besties for good. 

The next days were a whirlwind. I found Shannons' parents and met them for the first time on July 12. I felt like I already knew them and they already knew me also. I met her twin brother, whom has the same infectious smile, I could not stop staring. Her older brother was like a teddy bear to hold, when he hugged me I felt like everything would be ok. Her family is the most amazing family I have ever met.  

Smallest plane ever!! That poor pilot. 

We rock at fishing. 

Things started coming together, Snowy and I had to fly to DC to get the Dagger van with Shannons things in it, her family was going to fly up for the weekend, it was all a blur though. I told Snowy "If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything." Snowy had lost a friend and collegue. I lost one of the few people who broke through my hard outer shell and saw me for who I was. 

But, not golf. 

 In the month after Shannons death, I was a wreck. But, only on the inside. I kept as busy as I could, I was on a different plane every week, going places, doing things. I never sat still. I cried a lot, but no one saw it. I heard from people with condolences and their thoughts on Shannon.

Shannon was good at everything. :-)

 I lost a part of me that will never come back. As I write this, one year later, I have changed, and grown, a lot. I don't want to run class 5 anymore, I don't want to be scared all of the time. Doing the Grand Prix this year was something I wanted to do to tell myself that it's going to be ok, and I knew that Shannon really wanted me to do it. 

Driving on the golf course. 

Shannon is with me every day, when I am at work, at school, at home, on the river. Losing her made me rethink my priorities a lot. It also has made me love more powerfully. 

Living the dream. 

On that note, CHEERS to Shannon, her infectious smile, hilarious laugh, amazing personality. May we all try to be like Shannon and embody what she wanted this world to be like. Smile at every one today and brighten someones day the way Shannon did every day.

Looking to the future, without fear. 

Shannon was the best thing thats happened to me since I met Snowy. I miss her so much every day. 

Forever together. 

 I am typing this from the information center in Sort, Spain. I am here for the final Freestyle World Cup. I compete in an hour and a half. Today, I compete for Shannon. Today, I find happiness in the small things and I have no fear of the future. Today, I smile at everyone. 

Rest in Peace my best friend.
12/7/1989-7/11/2013

Post GoPro Competition

As I sit here in the Sitzmark Hotel in the middle of Vail Colorado I am very disappointed. Disappointed at working very hard only to end up in much lower placing than I expected. Disappointed in my abilities. Disappointed in my outlook on kayaking. 

This is a hard blog for me to write. I don't have photos, I don't have video. Just thoughts, thoughts that are spilling out onto this page as fast as I can think about them. 

Maybe I try to balance too much. I'm back in college, still trying to train in creek boating, still trying to train in freestyle. I also try to work as much as I can. I can't kayak when I am working. I don't make money if I don't work. I don't get paid to kayak. I go massively into debt to train and compete in competitions. The only way to make money when I am not working is to win. I have not been winning. 

Maybe I lost my edge. I haven't won a creek race since my best friend died last year. This is always on the top of my head. 

Maybe I can't take the pressure anymore. I used to be able to come from behind and go for it but that's not happening anymore. 

I'm competing against people who kayak all the time, year round, as a job. They travel all over the world to train on the best features and creeks. They eat, sleep, and breathe kayaking. They have coaches that train them day in and day out. They have a team of paddlers who they train with. They get paid to go kayaking. How can I win against that?? 

I won't. 

So now what? 

I applied to Nursing school at USC Upstate in SC. I won't know if I got in until August. I have a hard time justifying doing the Colorado/Freestyle tour if I only find disappointment out of it. Who know's what the next year will bring. I'm not even sure what I'm going to be doing in 6 weeks. 

I know one thing, I am so lucky to have the loving boyfriend and the amazing family that I was born into. I also am honored to have my sponsors who have all become like family to me. 

Liquid Logic Kayaks, Kokatat Watersports Wear, Werner Paddles, Shred Ready Helmets, and Bomber Gear skirts. 

I'm also thankful for my friend Haley Mills, my 5x5 team mate. I have a lot to be thankful for. Kayaking is just kayaking in the end of the day. I want to go way further in my life than being a professional kayaker. I want to be a wife, a mother, a successful woman. I feel like I am digging that track right now. 

Thanks for listening, sorry it was boring. My next blog post will be much better!! 

Where have I been??!!

In the cloud forest, raining really hard with 50 MPH winds!!

Some people know, after the Green Race I kind of fall off the planet of paddling for a little while. I paddled so much in 2013 training for Worlds and then straight into the Green Race, I was pretty ready for a break!! For the third year in a row my amazing boyfriend and I went to Costa Rica for a month. We traveled up to Managua, Nicaragua for something new to see. The boarder crossing was a bit funny but we made it. 

One of the many volcanoes around Nicaragua

 So, we made it to Costa Rica and my mom and her boyfriend came to visit this year! It was awesome having then with us and we took a few day adventure back to Rincon De La Vieja. We did a mud bath, zip line, 450 meter water slide, and horse back ride in the jungle! Action packed days here. 

Mom and Ken

Mud bath!!

Back on the beach with Tony and Teri 

We primarily stay in Nosara while in Costa Rica. It is an amazing area of the country and the beach is perfect for surfing or just sun bathing. The days there consist of surfing at 5 am, eating breakfast at 8, napping at 10, adult beverage at 12, nap at 2, surf at 4, dinner at 6, bed at 9. Rough days.  

Shannon was with me every day!!

Its always hard for Snowy and I to come home after being there for a month. Snowy came home on the day the polar vortex hit so he was pretty bummed. I, sadly, missed out on the polar vortex and got an extra 2 days in the tropics! But, alas, we all have to come home to reality at some point. 

EW. 

 Well, I started school again this semester. Microbiology and a few other classes. Between class, work, trying to be a housewife, and attempting to stay in shape, I was a bit busy. But, it made the winter go by quickly. As it was everywhere, it was cold and really snowy for the south!!

Saving lives, making a difference. (note the snow, in SC!)

For three months, my life consisted of all things "normal". Work, school, and no play. This also means no kayaking for me, which is a big deal when I compete against people who paddle year round.  

Slaloming and freestyle at the NOC

Thankfully, it started warming up and I got motivated to go paddle again. The NOC was cold but all of my friends were there so we were all stoked to be back together after a long winter apart. I reunited with my 5x5 comrade, Haley Mills and we were happier than clams to be back together.  

US Slalom Team Trials at the USNWC

Last weekend I went to the Charlotte USNWC and competed in the US Slalom Team Trials. I have wanted to compete in this event for a long time and I finally committed to doing it. I had a very good time and I could feel my runs getting better as the weekend went on, faster and faster every day. I ended up 4th overall, one spot out of the team but I am so happy that I went and it only made me stronger!!

As the Whitewater Grand Prix looms over some of our heads, I am trying to get as strong as I can and get some more time in my kayak. All in all, barring the cold slightly long winter, it has been a great one. I am so thankful that it is 80 degrees outside now!!

Its true. 

Middle Salmon Part 2

Shannon, tanning her legs, as kayakers, we have white legs!!

 After hiking up a mountain and surfing the crap out of the wave at Marble, I was beat. We slept under the stars that night and I woke up at one point to just see the true beauty of mother nature. The stars were out in a full force and all I could do was be in awe of them. I was so tired, I was only able to keep my eyes open for like 45 seconds but it was amazing. In the morning, Shannon and I heard that it was going to be a pretty easy day so we were happy to sit on the raft and be princessess again. 

River otters

 One of the things about rafting is, you can sleep and still make progress downstream! It was brilliant, we went like 6 miles and we slept the whole way. Along the way we did wake up to see these cute river otters having lunch on the side of the river. It was so cool to see wildlife. 

Campbell's Crew on the Middle Salmon

When we made it to camp that night we heard rumor of some awesome hot springs. It was the Loon hot springs, about a half mile up the creek. Since we had such a hard day of laying on the raft, instead of walking up there before dinner, we spent the afternoon plucking each others eyebrows and painting nails. Yep, I just said that. It was also tequila night for dinner and I definitely could not miss that!

Camp at Loon

 After dinner that night, the "young" crowd all rallied to the hot springs in the dark, using the light of the moon and the lightning storm going on. Luckily, I had the foresight of setting the tent up before we left camp that night... We had a great time at the hot springs, sipping on whiskey, loving on mother nature, and taking periodic dips in the freezing water of Loon Creek. It was a great way to spend a late afternoon with the girls. That night, we awoke to some very loud crashing and then sheets of torrential down pouring. A massive thunderstorm had rolled through, Shannon and I happily just rolled over and fell back to sleep, while listening to many people at camp struggling to put their tents up :-)

Scenery

The first half of the day started off amazing and we were happy to be back on the river. It was cloudy and had cooled off considerably with the storms coming through. We didn't have very many people in the duckies and even the kayakers were a bit cold. 

My best friend.

When we stopped for lunch, the sun came out, the clouds broke, and we all stripped down to our bathing suits. I took off my drysuit and was running around in just a bikini top and some underwear for a while! 

A normal outfit for me

 Everyone was hoping this wasn't a "sucker hole" but no one wanted to talk about it. After lunch, I tied my boat up and got back in the raft with Tessa and Rachel for more "princes boating". That lasted for about four minutes when I noticed some very dark looming clouds ahead and I promptly found my drysuit to put on. 

Rafting in a hail storm, in June??!!!

 Literally 3 seconds after zipping my trusty drysuit all the way, we looked downstream to see a wall of water coming towards us. We thought it was water, really it was hail, and coming down hard! The wind picked up very quickly and suddenly we found ourselves hunkering in the middle of the river for warmth. It was pretty miserable, the only consolation was that I knew it would end at some point. 

Not a pretty sight

 This deluge of rain/hail made all of us pretty cold for the rest of the day. We got to camp at a reasonable time but we were all pretty beat from the cold weather. Shannon and I crashed out on our paco pads without even letting them blow up! We woke up to dinner being made and a whiskey tasting was going on, we can't miss that. We also got to witness home made tiramasu being made with some very nice chocolate and whiskey.

Waterfall in the gorge

At lunch time the next day we were able to stop at this amazing, sacred, place. It is a round "bowl" with water flowing out of the top of it, that comes from the bottom of a tree, and falls down to where the people are sitting in the picture above. The fall moves with the wind and, once again, it is truly magical to watch mother earth work what she can do.

Pictographs

 We also got to see our first pictographs of the trip in this same place. I can understand why the "Sheepeater" indians wanted to stay here so bad. It is green, lush, easy to hunt long horned sheep from,  there is fresh water, and easy river access. 

Dated up to 8,000 years old

I could have stayed here the rest of the day and been completely content. I also knew what was ahead, the Impassable Canyon. 

Entering the Impassable Canyon

I was paddling my play boat most of the day and I was so exited to surf some massive waves. As the day went on, more water entered into the river. I had been surfing all day long but I was looking forward to the Impassable Canyon the most. 

I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'm sitting next to the Nantahala River, finishing my coffee at Rivers End, about to go train for Worlds in freestyle. Time to go kayaking! Make sure to check back periodically for the last part to my Middle Salmon series. 

Happy kayaking!!

GoPro Mountain Games 2013

Entering the "Bird Bath"

 As always, the GoPro Mountain Games (formerly the Teva Mountain Games), starts off with a bang at Homestake Creek in Colorado. We are about 30 minutes outside of Vail in a town called Red Cliff and theres a roadside section of river that drops 450 feet per mile. Its an amazing stretch of whitewater and this year it actually had some water in it! My runs didn't go as well as I had hoped and I ended up in 3rd place behind Martina Wegman and Natalie Anderson.

Setting up for something huge!!

My mom and dad were at the Games this year so it was awesome to be able to see both of them for the weekend also. Going into the freestyle I was worried this year because it was a big cut for the females. We were also competing agains the juniors, who are better than most of us!! We cut 50%, from 12 to 6. I (luckily) ended up 6th!! We cut straight to finals for Saturday afternoon so most of Saturday I spent packing for Idaho and making sure I got my hair cut!

Before

 As some of you know, I did a pretty massive fundraiser for First Descents. I wanted to raise awareness of the organization and at the same time do something that people would ask about.  I wanted to be able to give back what I was doing, so I decided to shave all of my hair off.

Check out my page, even though I made my goal, every dollar counts and if you have some change feel free to keep donating to this amazing cause. My page will stay open until the end of the year.

http://teamfd.firstdescents.org/2013/fd/shaveQuickie/

So, I shaved my head at the Games right before my finals run. I felt like I was at least 10 lbs lighter!

After

I then had to compete in finals in a stacked line up. Sage, Haley Mills, Courtney Kerin, Rowan Stuart, Emily Jackson, and myself. I revealed my new hair cut to the crowd and I got a huge, very empowering, cheer from everyone watching. 

Proud of Sage Donnely for having a great ride

 I knew it was going to be tight to get into 5th place, for the money so I had learned how to McNasty the day before the competition, with some help from Dustin Urban. I doubted that I would stick one in this feature, I was watching the men wash out trying them, but I didn't care. I had a relatively good ride and I decided to let it all hang out. I went for it, and stuck my first ever McNasty in competition. 

So stoked on sticking it!

 I didn't care that I ended up 5th place, I had done a move that no other women did in the competition and to me, that was winning. 

Huge huge loop!!!

This spot was also giving out some massive loops, which are my favorite thing to do! Always a fun move to stick.

Cartwheels

 All in all, I was happy with where I ended up in the competition and I was happy that I learned a new move. The GoPro Mountain Games were great this year and I hope to be a part of them for many years to come. 

I also got the chance to meet the owner of Jati Suits, Burton Falk and he hooked Haley Mills and I up as the newest team members/ambassadors!!

http://www.jationepiece.com/

Check out their suits online, they are super warm and so comfy I have been living in mine as of late. 

I also got to spend time with an amazing family during the weekend. My little buddy Campbell and his whole family, known to me as the Arizona Fan Club, this family comes up every year to watch the athletes at the Games. They are an inspiring family and also have an amazing story to tell. If you get a chance check them out on Facebook, Campbells Crew. 

Campbell and I 

A quick huge thanks to everyone who supports my habits!! Thanks for reading. I headed to Idaho the day after the GoPro Games for a big adventure. See what it was coming up next!!!!

Special thanks to the photos: Campbells Crew, my mom, Stephanie Viselli, and Phillip Robert

Burton and my new Jati Suit